Media studies graduate finds job as journalist
Dublin University College media studies graduate Peter O'Halloran made headlines today when he became the first in the Media Studies Department's history to land a job as a journalist. "Frankly, I'm thrilled to bits", Peter told reporters, "I'd assumed I was going to end up as a taxi driver or wine waiter like everybody else who's done media studies over the past decade but my expectations proved to be too low. I thought first there was some kind of mix-up with my name or something but it appears the offer is genuine. It's a new community-based newspaper and they say they'll print anything I submit and it will only cost me one euro a line. So if I get a night job earning 1000 euro a month I can write and publish up to one thousand lines twelve times a year. This is an opportunity of a lifetime, provided of course my parents continue to pay for my upkeep." Peter O'Halloran, a dyslexics' rights activist, spent six hours a day over four years watching B movies as part of his undergraduate training.
Answering questions put by journalists, Professor Sheila MacKenzie, head of the Media Studies Department, confessed she "didn't know what the world was coming to." "Peter was a nice kid", she continued "but let's face it we all know media studies is a joke. You'd want to be completely daft to employ that geek on anything more intellectually demanding than restocking the shelves in the local supermarket. He was like all the others on my course and couldn't kick over a bucket of water without a set of operating instructions. What a failure! I mean these saddos are pathetic - totally fucking pathetic and believe me I know what I'm talking about. In ten years' teaching, I only met one who could spell the word 'egregious' right the first time round and even he didn't know what it meant." Professor MacKenzie, who has a reputation for plain speaking, said she hoped her remarks would discourage aspiring media students from signing up for her course. "Just get a taxi driver's permit instead of doing media studies first. You'll save your parents a lot of moolah", is her candid advice.
Professor MacKenzie, who has tenure, says her ultimate objective is to reduce the number of incoming students to nil. A class of zero students, Professor MacKenzie concluded, "would save a lot of tears all round and make life more pleasant for everybody."
Professor MacKenzie is a member of the Irish Society for the Elimination of Know-Nothings in Higher Education.
Filed 27 March 2006
